fatal_error's Xanga

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 08:08:51 GMT

THIS
XANGA
IS
CLOSED, MOTHERFUCKERS.
I'VE
MOVED
HERE.

(i'd really appreciate it if you would all go and subscribe over there. unfortunately, i never delete any of my old journals just for the sake of archiving it. so i'm afraid you'll have to delete this one off your list yourself if you wanna get rid of it. but it'll always be here if you're that creepy sort of person who wants to look deep deep years and years back into my past. but i'm archiving it for my own personal use. see on the otherside!)

Monday, October 17, 2005

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 04:07:18 GMT

Sucks To Be Me.

God, I've spent like two days downloading the Avenue Q soundtrack. Thanks 56k.
But I think it must be worth it because I can't stop listening to it. Hah.
Siiigh. I've needed a new musical to cling on to anyway. Wicked is my next target.
*shifty eyes*

SIIIGH. My heart hurts.
Both literally and figuratively.
Heartache is so gay.

"A mix tape. He made a mix tape. He was thinking of me, which shows he cares. Sometimes when someone has a crush on you, they'll make you a mix tape to give you a clue. Let's see...'You've Got A Friend', 'The Theme From Friends', 'That's What Friends Are For' ... SHIT."

I tell myself I'll wait forever if I have to, but there are brief moments when it just kind of eats at me and makes me want to give up. But I'll never give up on him, because I love him and he means the world to me. And I suppose having him as a friend isn't supposed to be torture. I mean I remember telling somebody that, "I'd rather have a good friend than a boy friend who will just get tired of me and leave." I don't know if I mean that or not. But that would be the most noble thing to say and think, isn't it?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 05:27:58 GMT

This is what I do.

Hover over the pictures for titles. Not feeling much better than I was yesterday. Maybe even a little worse. Who knows. I could just be tired and melodramatic. It could also be the weather. The cold makes me mellow in a very bad lonely way. I just am in hate with the world right now. Whatever. I'm just gonna go and draw more dumb pictures.

One thing that made me laugh today : Opeth tried to add me as a friend on Myspace. HAHAHA. Motherfuckin' OPETH.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 07:29:44 GMT

Hello, guess who has a new digital camera?
Go ahead, guess!
Who doesn't enjoy getting new toys? <3

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 04:12:13 GMT

Panda Panda Panda Panda Pan-CHINA!

Meme I stole from Elisa.

Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song title as the answer to the question.

NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?
"Night Goat" - Melvins
(...great.)

Will I have a happy life?
"Bizarre Love Triangle" - New Order
(Well, god damn...I guess that's no?)

What do my friends really think of me?
"Nothing Better" - The Postal Service
(Yay!)

Do people secretly lust after me?
"Milk It" - Nirvana
(Is that a yes...?)

How can I make myself happy?
"Flat Out Fucked" - Mudhoney
(Well, god damn.)

What should I do with my life?
"Sabbath Prayer" - Fiddler On The Roof
(I shall convert to Judaism at this moment.)

Why must life be so full of pain?
"A Manic Depressive Named Laughing Boy" - Modest Mouse.
(I knew it...!)

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
"Kill Me Quickly" - Thrice
(...I'm that bad, huh?)

Will I ever have children?
"Little By Little" - Oasis
(OH, FUCK.)

Will I die happy?
"Beautiful" - Belle And Sebastian
(Sweet.)

What is some good advice for me?
"Pas Assez De Toi" - Manu Chao
(It means "Not Enough Of You" ... I don't know if that answers the question or not.)

What is happiness?
"When Flying Feels Like Falling" - From First To Last
(Right, I'll make a note of that.)

What's my favorite fetish?
"The Radiator Hums" - Cursive
(WHAT?)

How will I be remembered?
"Role Model" - Eminem
(Duh, I could've told you that.)

Ookay. That was fun.
I'm watching Svengoolie right now.
SOO CHEESY. ARARGAEAGH.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 02:41:49 GMT

Toss your bear a goldfish as it cycles by.

I love listening to this. It makes me so amusingly bitter.
It's okay, though, since I've got Adult Swim to tide me over.
I think I might just be tired. Or something.
Who fucking knows.
I bought some Cherry Garcia ice cream,
in remembrance of Yesenia.
Everything in my head makes it seem like
life is so hectic right now.
It really isn't. I'm just delusional and problematic.
It's just a lot of whirling and crashing,
up and down, over and fucking over again.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 04:27:43 GMT

I don't wanna. I don't think so.

Instead of studying for this mondo test I have tomorrow, I drew pictures for my friends!

I drew this one for Smashley. Her Trumpet and my Will are now an item! Hoorah for character development and collaboration! Trumpet, I imagine, is a mean, abusive bitch. But she gives Will the lovin's so he doesn't complain. Which right now, seems to be the basis of their relationship.

I did this in my sketch book for drawing class so I forgot to put my signature on it, since it just started out as a doodle. But I decided to finish it. Regardless, please don't steal this without asking etc etc etc...

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 02:36:30 GMT

Champion, I feel cold.

Oh man, fuck going to the Philippines this Christmas. Smashley and Aryana are going to be visiting Chair in December. And Lee*Lee may make an appearance as well. I want in on this fucking Canadian lovefest. You'd think after knowing these people for years and being artistic peers for fucking ever, we'd have met each other by now. Ohh, I'm jealous, I'm fucking jealous. Lee*Lee is visiting Jolyn, Push, and Chiv right now. Jeez. It seems to me that everyone is flying around visiting everyone else except me! Bastardos. Man, I'm going to hi-jack the Korean Air flight and take it up to Calgary and crash the plane in Chair's backyard and be like, "'SUP MOTHAFUCKAS, MICHELLE HAS ARRIVED."

>/ Man, if I could just go and fucking fly everywhere I wanted and see all the people I've loved and admired for years. Just thinking about flying out and seeing Daniel, Brooks, Chair, Smashley, Lee Lee, Angie, and Ryan. Fucking hell. I'm seething with jealousy. But I'm happy they are all getting together and shit. BASTARDS! ;;

PS : GO AWAY SPYWARE, UGH.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 01:50:37 GMT

You've lost the swagger in your hips

Man, I'm fucking bored. Am I ever fucking bored.

I feel like contracting an STD, then huffing this butane gas, huff huff huff, I would start drawing until I die. That would be interesting. And I'd have to write this down before I did it so that everyone would know of my intentions. Like a death letter but not, because I wouldn't want to call it that. That'd be la-a-a-a-ame.

I don't know. I'm just being loopy right now. I found a massive silverfish in my bathroom a few moments ago looking for the butane gas can. (Why do we keep the butane gas in the bathroom next to the mouthwash and dad's aftershave? Question.) Anyway. I'm not going to huff the fucking butane gas, if you were taking me seriously. I just wanted to keep it in my room. For no reason in particular. It was a weird thought in my head at the time. Because my brain is swimming with 'em. I'm going crazy.

My mind is all over the place. So wasteful! So foolish! Hee...you know what I'm talkin' about? You hear me talking?! Do you ever notice the idea that everything you do effects something else? Like in those movies where if you go back in time and step on an ant, it changes the entire future somehow? Everything is WAY TOO FUCKING SENSITIVE, I find. Including myself, and it proves itself to be a real pain in the ass.

Huff. Huff. HUFF.

Oh shit! I'm watching The Filipino Channel in my room. It's awful. It's fucking awful. I don't even know what's going on. Hahaha. God.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 02:05:08 GMT

up up down down left right left right B A start,
just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart !

This is an example of my skills as a fiction writer. In all truthfulness, I love quietly listening to him play the guitar over the phone, and I do enjoy video games just as much as, IF NOT MORE THAN, he does. 'Cept for when it involves that damned X-Box. One of these days I'm just going to jack that bastard machine and kick the pants off of him at Halo 2.

Speaking of video games. I love when I obviously add great things to a bleak person's boring little life. MEANING, I JUST INTRODUCED SOMEONE to Katamari Damacy. So, if you are like this someone and you have been living under a fucking rock. Go. Play Katamari Damacy. NOW. But don't get We Love Katamari yet, because I haven't played it yet either, and it wouldn't be fair. :'[[